


Drowning

by GalaxyAqua



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: M/M, No Plot/Plotless, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 01:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3917971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyAqua/pseuds/GalaxyAqua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He is your everything. That's why you're not going to hesitate; it's going to hurt him - being with you - so if he isn't, it would be for the best. You're tearing your heart out for him - your almost lover, your vibrant, beautiful beacon.  The poison from your words drips from your mouth, and you hope he understands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> uuuu

You have never loved a person like you love Hajime Hinata. 

His fleeting smiles sends your heart into overdrive, and his warm hands are always outstretched - always ready to plunge into the depths of despair to save you from drowning. To save everyone from drowning. He is the light in the abyss that looks at you with the promise of eternity, and suddenly he is the earth, never to soar, but leaves your mind in honest shambles and blooming buds of sweet happiness. With him, you almost forget what it's like to be worthless. 

He is your everything.

He is the hope that glistens and the bold desire that gleams; wielding fierce eyes of determination and the dagger of truth. 

You look at him, and you love so terribly. 

But you fear... fear far too much.

He is so beautiful, standing there, all solid angles and spiky chestnut hair, and you fear, you fear every time he sees you, that he's getting too close. Now, when he sees you, he no longer waits. His long legs stride over, greeting on the end of his tongue, hand raised in a wave. Always, he's waving - and those waves wash over you, over your head and you're underwater again. 

"Komaeda," he's saying, but though he stands close, his voice is so far away. You're listening, of course. You're pathetic like that, always hanging onto his every word.

Even though you listen, you can't stand to look at him sometimes. Not when the sunset is dancing dreams across his face, not when he laughs like a bell because of you, and not when his gaze meets yours and you see something akin to ... 

"Hinata," you whisper, and you decide, that your love is not to ever taint him - never to touch him, and he is never to know. Even if it hurts. Even if, even if he is your universe, and even if you would not hesitate to offer your beating heart to him. "... so you're still here."

"Yeah. I am. I promised I'd hang out with you soon, remember?" He scratches his cheek, almost distractedly. "Is now a bad time?"

There are so many ways you could answer that question. You don't settle for any of them - prepared answers do you no favors, and you want so badly to stay with Hinata but you can't. You avoid his gaze, instead coming up with a quiet, "I don't understand."

Because you don't understand. You don't understand why he bothers with you, why he doesn't leave you alone like everyone else, or why he stays with you when you're practically a ticking time bomb, that will one day, inevitably, blow him into pieces. You don't understand anything about him, apart from the parts that are painfully ordinary - and yet you, painfully, love those parts of him too. 

You decide that, despite not understanding, enough is enough. You can't let him get any closer, not while you're still you and he's still him. You've hurt him enough by simply existing.

A flash of confusion crosses his face at your response, but he answers with an eloquent, "What?" and you think, you could die right now if it meant you didn't have to hurt Hinata anymore. But you do. You have to. If you don't hurt him now, while your heartbeats are not yet aligned - before he can love you or you can tell him of your overwhelming love - you'll destroy him. And you love him far too much to want that. 

"I think you should leave," you tell him coldly, and rather abruptly, even though it tears you up on the inside. "Talking to someone like me, who is so useless and unremarkable, must be exhausting..."

He looks further perplexed, eyebrows furrowing and the hint of a scowl tugging at his lips. "Komaeda, we've been through this."

"I've had a lot of good luck lately, and I'm grateful for being able to spend time with someone for once." You say carefully, "But someone like you, who embodies hope, shouldn't associate with trash like myself anymore."

Hinata narrows his eyes, and you're expecting a hit, but it never comes.

"Why are you like this?" He sighs. If there is the essence of fondness in his voice, you ignore it. "Believe it or not, I like spending time with you."

You won't do it, but you want to cry. You want to hate him, more than you hate yourself, but you can't. This much being said... could it be possible he sees you as a friend? Incredible. You're so useless you can't even keep your unworthy self away from him - so you have to stop this. You have to stop it now. You will your heart to stop pounding, and for your head to sharpen. You have to end this; whatever this is. 

"To enjoy being with scum like me... makes me unbearable happy," a defeated smile plays across your lips. "It's like, I wouldn't be surprised if I dropped dead tomorrow, you know? Or maybe even something important to me would be exterminated ... it's that kind of feeling."

Hinata shakes his head disapprovingly, and then some more, as if reprimanding himself. Why would he do that? Compared to you, he has done nothing wrong in his entire life. "I don't get it, but whatever you're saying, it sounds pretty morbid."

"It's all hypothetical, Hinata."

Your fear heightens, sweat trickling down your face when you thought that finally it was safe to look at him and you do. It isn't. You're so scared, but you're hypnotized. He's looking at you like  _that_ again, like he actually cares... like he...

"Well, anyway, are we hanging out or not?" he asks impatiently, the flicker of _something_  gone from his expression as he struggles to retain his previously upbeat disposition.

Your mind whirs, as you try and pinpoint the emotion before you cut off ties for good. You don't know, you don't understand, but you do want to be the one that is always there by his side, to hold him when times get rough and to help him believe in himself even when nobody else can. You want to have his hand in yours; you want to be his anchor, his support, his one and only. 

Just, what is it that he is seeing in you?

Why does he keep looking at you like...

"Umm," you hum, buying a few more seconds. You take in his relaxed posture and the slowly tapping foot on the ground. What is it that he's thinking? You're unbelievably bad at reading people at this very moment, even though it is usually one of your greater, more unfortunate strengths (maybe it wouldn't be so if everyone didn't hate you).

"What? Come on, Komaeda. You clearly have nothing better to do, if you're just looking around and wasting time."

You decide it's nothing, because Hinata is your everything. Nothing to do with him should ever become anything to do with you.

You love him more than words can express, and that's why.

"... no, I can't hang out with you today."

"That wasn't - wait, what? ... why?"

That's why you're not going to hesitate; it's going to hurt him - being with you - so if he isn't, it would be for the best.

"Hinata, forgive me for speaking out of line, but I don't think I can cooperate with you any longer."

"What? What do you mean by that?"

It clicks now, when you've already gone and started it, and have no intention of reeling it back in. The way he looks at you... it's the same way you look at him. It's the same way... how is that so? How do you look at him; is it ever anything less than (secretively) adoring? No, admittedly, so, if that's true, then Hinata looks at you in that way...?

Does Hinata ... love you? That... doesn't makes sense... no.. how is that possible? It isn't possible. You start panicking, and the pitch in your voice elevates. Is it possible? No, no it isn't. It's not, it's not, it's not, it _can't_ be, that's going to kill him, he's going to get killed - you have to leave - 

"Can't you read between the lines?" Your voice just broke, genius. "Get away from me! I don't want to see your face!"

"Hey, did something happen? What's wrong with you?!"

You're the worst.

"Just leave me alone, Hinata... I don't want to see you!"

You break into a run, your legs aching as if being pierced by his words.

"Where are you going? What the hell is going on?!"

Why did you let him get this far? He's the only person you've ever loved, and you're already going to hurt him more than you thought that you would. No, it's okay this way, isn't it? If he gets hurt because of you, he'll go away and be freed from you forever, won't he? Your luck can't harm him if he leaves. It's for his own good; it was always for him, because ... he is your everything.

This is your hope. 

And your hope is going to win. 

"Please don't forget..."

 You're tearing your heart out for him - your almost lover, your vibrant, beautiful beacon. But you know the best will come for him now; because after bad luck, good luck will always return and prevail.

"... out of everyone, Hinata, from the bottom of my heart; I absolutely, positively loathe you."

You don't turn, taking this opportunity to make your hasty retreat, but you hear his footsteps come to a halt.

The poison from your words drips from your mouth - toxic raindrops falling from beneath your lashes and running down your cheeks - and you hope he understands. 


End file.
